Manchester United aka "Team America"

And so it ends.

For over half a year now, the Theatre of Dreams that is Old Trafford Stadium has been haunted by a number of ghosts. Such spectres range from hideous goal-keeping errors, unusual reluctance to score by one of the most vaunted strikeforces in all of football, and an odd contract dispute between Manchester United and winger Ryan Giggs, one of their most trusted servants.

But there was another ghost lurking in the shadows; a potentially far more debilitating one that threatens to choke the life out of this most succesful of clubs. As of a couple of days ago, after months of haranguing and jabbing, this spectre finally succeeded in slicing through the red devil's hide; piercing his heart, extricating it, and smashing it upon the cobblestones of the English Premier league.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen...

Malcolm Glazer has bought Manchester United.

This, my friends, is a catastrophe of New York Mets size proportions... one that promises to put even United's third place finish to shame.

I won't go intop the details, for it is a simple matter of looking it up on google. But I just want to add my voice to the millions of United fans all over the world who are protesting this unnecessary invasion. This man is not Roman Abramovich injecting (dirty) millions into a struggling club. This man is a greedy shyster taking the most successful club in sporting history and saddling it with a debt the size of Anna Nicole Smith's boobs.

This man... is the doom of Manchester United Football Club.

Or should I say... Manchester United "Soccer" club.

Boo.

"Wheeeee! I'm a moron!